Stuffed Camel

Believe it or not, this is found in the Operating Room Nurses Group Cook Book "Operation Cook II"

1 hard boiled egg
1 Cornish game hen
1 mallard duck
1 Canada goose
1 suckling pig
1 male deer
1 cow moose
1 camel
1 sockeye salmon

Pluck, clean, gut, scale, dehoof, dehorn and skin all ingredients. Stuff Cornish game hen with hard boiled egg. Place stuffed hen into mallard duck. Stuff salmon with mallard duck. Sew salmon closed with string. Place salmon into goose cavity; remove tail first. Place stuffed goose into pig. Grease pig and place into cavity of male deer. Deer should be inserted tail first into moose. Place moose into camel. If only a dromedary available, halve moose before placing in single hump. Insert 2 pounds of popcorn stuffing*. Place on a rotary spit over large fire. Observe from a safe distance. Feeds 400.

*Popcorn Stuffing

1 cup popcorn (not popped)
3 cups prepared stuffing
1/2 cup onion
1/4 cup melted butter
1 turkey

Add popcorn to stuffing, onion and butter. Mix well and stuff loosely into turkey. Preheat oven at 400 degrees F and place bird on lowest rack.

When the turkey pops, then you'll know that the bird is done.

Muffled Laughter

Robbie Burns' Ode to a Haggis:

Fair fa' your honest, sonsie face,
Great Chieftan o' the Puddin-race!
Aboon them a' ye tak your place,
Painch, tripe, or thairm:
Weel are ye wordy of a grace
As lang 's my arm.

The groaning trencher there ye fill,
Your hurdles like a distant hill,
Your pin wad help to mend a mill
In time o' need,
While thro' your pores the dews distil
Like amber bead.

His knife see Rustic-labour dight,
An' cut you up Wi' ready slight,
Trenching your gushing entrails bright
Like onie ditch;
And then, 0 what a glorious sight,
Warm-reekin, rich!

Then, horn for horn they stretch an' strive,
Deil tak the hindmost, on they drive,
Till a' their weel-swall'd kytes belyve
Are bent like drums;
Then auld Guidman, maist like to rive,
Bethankit hums.

Is there that owre his French ragout,
Or olio that wad staw a sow,
Or fricassee wad mak her spew
Wi' perfect sconner,
Looks down wi' sneering, scornfu' view
On sic a dinner?

Poor devil! See him owre his trash,
As feckless as a wither'd rash,
His spindle shank a guid whip-lash,
His nieve a nit;
Thro' bluidy flood or field to dash,
O how unfit!

But mark the Rustic, haggis-fed,
The trembling earth resounds his tread,
Clap in his walie neive a blade,
He'll mak it whissle;
An' legs, an' arms, an' heads will sned,
Like taps o' thrissle.

Ye Pow'rs wha mak mankind your care,
And dish them out their bill o' fare,
Auld Scotland wants ane skinking ware
That jaups in luggies;
But, if ye wish her gratefu' pray'r,
Gie her a Haggis!

* * *
T H E R E C I P E

1 sheep's lung (illegal in the U.S.; may be omitted if not available)
1 sheep's stomach
1 sheep heart
1 sheep liver
1/2 lb fresh suet (kidney leaf fat is preferred)
3/4 cup oatmeal (the ground type, NOT the Quaker Oats type!)
3 onions, finely chopped
1 teaspoon salt
1 teaspoon freshly ground pepper
1/2 teaspoon cayenne
1/2 teaspoon nutmeg
3/4 cup stock

1. Wash lungs and stomach well, rub with salt and rinse. Remove membranes and excess fat. Soak in cold salted water for several hours. Turn stomach inside out for stuffing.

2. Cover heart and liver with cold water. Bring to a boil, reduce heat, cover and simmer for 30 minutes. Chop heart and coarsely grate liver. Toast oatmeal in a skillet on top of the stove, stirring frequently, until golden. Combine all ingredients and mix well. Loosely pack mixture into stomach, about two-thirds full. Remember, oatmeal expands in cooking.

3. Press any air out of stomach and truss securely. Put into boiling water to cover. Simmer for 3 hours, uncovered, adding more water as needed to maintain water level. Prick stomach several times with a sharp needle when it begins to swell; this keeps the bag from bursting. Place on a hot platter, removing trussing strings. Serve with a spoon. Ceremoniously served with "neeps, tatties and nips" -- mashed turnips, mashed potatoes, nips of whiskey.

Fast Food

1. Samosas

1 lb. Phyllo dough (thaw in box on counter 5 hours)
-lay them out on the counter, place a drying cloth on top, then place a damp drying cloth on top of the first one. Phyllo will dry out in about a minute so keep it covered.

1/2 lb. potatoes (6-8), boiled, 1/2 hr; mashed.

1 Tablespoon oil
1 teaspoon mustard seeds
-stirfry these two until the seeds pop (watch they don't pop into your eye!)
3 cloves garlic, minced
-add to the stirfry

Mix:
1 onion, chopped
1/4 cup cilantro, chopped
1 jalapeno, chopped
2 Teaspoons curry powder
2 Teaspoons lemon juice
1 1/4 teaspoon salt
1 cup frozen peas
-add to these the mustard seeds
-add the potatotes and mix.

To make the samosas:
-Brush one phyllo sheet with butter.
-Place a second sheet on top and brush it with butter.
-Cut the length of the sheets into 5 columns.
-Place a bit of the filling into the bottom corner of one column.
-To fold: take the corner of the column (the one with filling, and fold it diagonally to make a triangle. Continue to fold up making triangles (or, like folding a flag for the patriots among us). Brush with butter when finished.

To freeze: place in freezer (duh!), then cook for 20 min. at 375.
To cook from fresh: cook for 15 min. at 375.

* * *

2. Falafel:

1 1/4 cup dried chick peas, soak 24 hours with a splash of apple cider vinegar
-blend in a food processor that is more expensive than $30, otherwise, pass it all through a garlic press (think of it as an askesis!)

Then process or stir in:
1/2 cup onion, chopped
1/4 cup packed chopped parsley
2 garlic cloves, chopped
2 teaspoon cumin
1 1/2 teaspoon salt
1/2 teaspoon coriander (seeds or ground)
1/2 teaspoon baking soda
1/4 teaspoon ground red pepper

Stir in:
2 Tablespoons flour

-form into 3" patties
-let stand 15 min.
-Pour 1/2 " oil into skillet (or just use a deep fryer)
-Fry patties 4 min. each side.

If you want to make tahini (which is subjectively delicious because it's ethnic, but objectively gross!), consider yourself warned, then, humbly, mix:
1/4 cup tahini
1/4 cup cold water
1 Tablespoon lemon juice
pinch salt

Put the falafel, tahini, chopped lettuce and sliced tomato into a pita.

For the miscellaneous file …

Baking question: I am still wrapping my head around the idea of not baking during a fast period with milk and/or eggs. Are there substitutes for these things for baking? I am thinking of baking things like corn bread… (as opposed to something hugely decadent that would seem un-fast like)

Any thoughts?

A Tour of the Kitchen

This blog is still in the making...
Please bear with me as I work out some organizational kinks. I will let you know as soon as you can start posting your recipes.
Thanks for your patience.
-Biss

(P.S. I just made and ate some amazing falafil. I am dying to share it with you)

Let me introduce you to...

Our Righteous Father among the Saints
Euphrosynos the Cook

Commemorated on September 24/11

Our righteous Father Euphrosynos was born of peasant parents and consequently was reared without schooling. Later he entered a certain monastery, was robed with the holy Schema of a monk, and served the fathers. But since he was of coarse country upbringing, he remained in the difficult obedience of serving in the kitchen, being scorned and mocked by some of the monks who had forgotten the purpose for which they left the world. Yet the blessed one endured this contempt with a most courageous heart, wisdom, and tranquility of mind, not being troubled in the least by these things. Thus he seemed illiterate according to his manner of speech, yet he was not such in the true knowledge which he possessed, as we shall see from the following.

There was in that monastery at the same time as the ever-memorable Euphrosynos a certain pious priest who made fervent entreaty that it might be revealed to him the good things which they that love God shall enjoy. One night, therefore, while the priest was asleep, it seemed as though he were in a certain garden. With amazement and ecstasy he beheld most delightful things. He also saw Euphrosynos the cook of the monastery, who stood in the midst of the garden and partook of the diverse good things of that place. Having come nearer, he inquired of the blessed one to whom this garden belonged, and how he had come to be there.

Euphrosynos replied, "This garden is the abode of God's elect, and by the great goodness of my God I have my dwelling here."

Then the priest asked, "But what dost thou do in this garden?"

He answered, "I have dominion over all the things which thou dost see here, and I rejoice and am filled with gladness at the vision and noetic enjoyment of them."

Again the priest said, "Canst thou give me something of these good things?"

"Yea, by the grace of God, take from whatever thou dost wish."

Then the priest pointed to some apples and asked Euphrosynos if he might have of these. Taking a portion of the apples, the Saint put them in the priest's outer garment and said "Receive that which thou hast requested and take delight therein."

At that moment the wood was sounded for the fathers to arise for the midnight service. The priest, having awakened and come to himself, considered the vision to have been a mere dream, but when he stretched forth his hands to take his outer garment -- O the wonder! -- he discovered in reality those very apples which Euphrosynos had given him in the vision, and he wondered at the marvelous fragrance which still remained with them undiminished. Arising from his bed, he placed the apples aside and hastened to church. There he saw Euphrosynos. He approached him and besought him with oaths to reveal where he had been that night.

The blessed one replied, "Forgive me, father, but I went nowhere at all this night, but just now I have come to church for the service."

The priest answered, "For this reason I charged thee with oaths, that thou wouldst be obliged to make manifest the great works of God -- and thou art not persuaded to make known the truth?"

The humble-minded Euphrosynos then answered the priest, "I was there where are found the good things which they who love God shall inherit and which thou hast sought for many years to behold. There thou didst see me partaking of the blessings of that garden; for God, wishing to make known to thy holiness the blessings of the Just, hath wrought such a miracle through me, the worthless one."

The priest said, "And what, father Euphrosynos, didst thou give me from that garden?'

"Those delightful and most fragrant apples which thou just recently placed upon thy bed. But father, forgive me, for I am a worm and not a man."

At the end of matins, the priest related to all the brethren his vision and showed to them the apples from paradise. The brethren could sense their ineffable sweet fragrance and felt great spiritual joy in their hearts, and they marveled at all the priest narrated to them. And hurrying to the kitchen to reverence the blessed Euphrosynos, they found that lo, fleeing the glory of men, he had already secretly departed from the monastery and was not to be found.

The brethren divided the apples among themselves and gave portions to many who visited the monastery as a blessing, and especially for healing, because whoever partook of theses apples was cured of their infirmities. And thus many received benefit from the gift of the holy Euphrosynos. They recorded the vision not only upon tablets, but also in their hearts. And they strove greatly to make themselves pleasing unto God.

(Article found at greekorthodox.home.att.net/steuphrosynos.html and in The Lenten Cookbook for Orthodox Christians published by Saint Nectarios Press, Seattle Washington.)

Troparion-Tone 4

Thou didst live righteously in great humility, in labours of asceticism and in guilelessness of soul, O righteous Euphrosynos. Hence, by a mystical vision, thou didst demonstrate most wondrously the Heavenly joy which thou hadst found. Deem us also worthy to be partakers thereof by thine intercessions.

Kontakion-Tone 4

We laud Saint Euphrosynos, the most wondrous ascetic, who took up the Cross of Christ and shone forth in humility; for by the vision of Paradise his Christ-like virtue by God was made manifest.

Pray to God for us, Saint Euphrosynos.